MAYOR PONDERING PRESIDENTIAL RUN
April 1, 2019
Cedar Key mayor Heath Davis has formed an exploratory committee to help him decide whether or not to throw his hat in the ring for president in the 2020 election. “Not sure which party,” said a grinning Davis, “they both need a lot of help.”
The mayor’s platform would include more funds for education, infrastructure, and a law that would require all citizens of the US to consume at least five pounds of shellfish a month. “The way I see it,” said the mayor, “if I can handle the Cedar Key City Commissioner meetings, I can probably handle the US Congress.”
Another initiative planned would open up business opportunities for small towns and villages. “Cedar Key desperately needs a Taco Bell and a China Gardens” opined Davis. “It’s every red-blooded American’s right to be within walking distance of a good burrito and an egg roll.”
If the mayor decides to run, he may have to shelve his latest project, a one-person show entitled “The Axl Rose Perspective.” Davis, as the Guns and Roses frontman, grapples with Rose’s dilemma of staying in the band or pursuing his lifelong obsession with Latvian gardening techniques of the 18th century, all the while belting out his version of “Sweet Child of Mine.” The mayor promises to announce his exciting decision soon.
