Hoppin’ John ***

We have been assailed since 2008 by all sorts of scary stuff about the political and economic crisis facing the United States and the rest of the developed nations, and the consequent rise in unemployment. It may be comforting in this situation (to those who do still have a job) to remember that a nine per cent unemployment rate does mean that 91 per cent are still gainfully employed, and that the US does have the world`s largest national economy - approximately $15,000,000 million, some 20-25 per cent of the world`s GDP.

What I believe is truly worrying is the extreme rise in the gap between rich and poor. During the past 30 years the share of national income collected by the top one per cent of earners has risen from 9 per cent of the total to as much as 25 per cent, with the result that the 400 wealthiest Americans now have a greater combined net worth than the bottom 150 million.

As a result of this lopsided distribution, the high-end retailers that cater to the have-a-lot customers are doing rather well at the present time, while we have-a-little shoppers are trading down to the bargain stores. A similar pattern is apparent with regard to top-tier items like luxury SUVs and, according to a piece in the New York Times on October 13, may also soon be evident in American bathrooms. It appears that Kohler, the bathroom fixtures manufacturer, has produced a new toilet, the Numi. "The Numi features a touch-screen remote control. The Numi washes and dries its user. The Numi costs $6,400 or 81 times the price of the basic throne at Home Depot." This is clearly not any old hoppin` john, it is an all-singing, all-dancing high tech john that might easily bring luxury to a bathroom near you. (It also comes with music, and the article commented that the audio quality was quite good, "considering that you are listening to a toilet.")

I was going to write that this new luxury must be the biggest happening in the business since Thomas Crapper (1836-1910) invented the flush toilet, but Wikipedia tells me that flush toilets were in fact being used in the Twenty Sixth Century BC - Thomas did, however, "do much to increase the popularity of the toilet". Thomas Crapper & Co Ltd is still in existence in Stratford, England, claiming to produce the world`s most authentic period-style sanitary ware.

So here at last is an extravagance worthy of the pretentious McMansions of the 1990s, whose lavish interiors were just crying out for yet more features to encourage our social development. But even if you are not flush with success, and even if the bottom has fallen out of your world, remember that there is a large white throne out there that could be yours for just one-tenth of the price of a Cadillac Escalade. What a bargain!

Colin Dale

(*** Please research the culinary allusion if you`re not from the South.)